Last night I was trying to work on my dad’s afghan to get it done before he dies and I just got frustrated with all of it. I decided the square I was working on was too much work for a pattern I didn’t really seem to like, and then I decided I hated every square in that book and didn’t want to do any of it. I think I’m really just overwhelmed with the idea of finishing it. My mom tells me he’s sleeping more and more because his pain meds put him to sleep but he can’t stand to be without them. They went out to eat the other night and he had two hours’ worth of oxygen with him, but they ran out while they were on their way home and he was sitting in the car gasping. Mom needs me to show her how to turn on the closed captioning on her tv because Dad can’t hear it anymore. She said he’s forgetting more and more, which means I really need to write down all the things that are in my head, the stories he’s told me over the years. I don’t want to hear any of this! Can’t I just stick my head in the sand like an ostrich in the cartoons? La la la la la, happy place, happy place.
I like Lego bricks better than blocks
19 May 2008 at 8:23 pm (General)
Tags: artistic block, dad, depression
Blocks of the writing sort. Blocks of the artistic sort. I wouldn’t mind a depression block. That would be pretty groovy, actually. I have to find a new shrink since my last one had rude office staff and I don’t think he was listening to me anymore, anyway. It just gets a little weird when every time a drug doesn’t work he puts me on a new one and all the ones he suggests just happen to be mentioned on the notepads, pens, stress relieving squishy things, etc, scattered around his office. Makes me wonder if it’s right for me or just what he’s getting strongly nudged to suggest.
In the meantime, I sit here with Photoshop open and nothing going on. At least I’ve managed to babble something here. My dad’s dying and I’m trying to finish his knit afghan in time for him to enjoy it. All other knit projects are on the back burner somewhere. My brother-in-law’s girlfriend is pregnant and her mother just killed herself. What’s going on with you?
