I hate it when medication is screwy and not doing its job, or doing its job plus some annoying as hell side effects. Mainly, I hate it when medication doesn’t keep me from having to hear Gavin told, “Mommy can’t play with you now. Mommy’s sick.” It rips my heart out to see that little face looking sad as he contemplates why it is that his mommy doesn’t want to get down on the floor with him and play whatever game he’s playing. I hate hearing him ask, haltingly, “Mommy … sick?” I don’t want him to grow up too quickly, knowing that some days he has to stay away from Mommy because she’s sick and might start crying. I don’t want him to carry that weight on his shoulders. I don’t want him to learn to accept that sometimes Mommy isn’t Mommy and she has to be left alone.
weekly goals
25 April 2008 at 6:57 pm (General)
Tags: goals, knitting, personal, photoshop
Although “weekly” seems to imply that I actually do this every week, I set some for this week. Nothing catastrophic if I don’t achieve them, but for what it’s worth:
- Finish one of my salto socks and start on the other one. Ok, not so much. Almost.
- Finish a dishcloth for my mom. Would have been done already if we didn’t go to the zoo today, but should be finished tonight nonetheless.
- Finish first square in my dad’s Great American Afghan. Done! Started on a second as well.
- Take pictures. Done!
- Do some Photoshop work. Also done!
Not so bad. About to upload some more pictures to flickr.
How do I do this again?
4 March 2008 at 11:06 pm (General)
Tags: biography, personal
Wow. I stopped blogging after Gavin was born because I just didn’t have the time. After doing it almost every day and sometimes several times a day for around five years, not posting felt strange but it was one of the things that had to go if I expected to get any sleep or food or the occasional shower. Not staring at the blank box every day didn’t stop the posts from going on in my head, though.
So, I’m back. As before, I write for myself. An audience is an amusing bonus but not necessary. I warn people in advance that when I’m sarcastically bitchy I am not always feeling that bitchy in reality. I don’t take things that seriously all the time. I bitch to make people laugh as a tension reliever for myself.
I don’t need an audience, yet at the same time I am the same exhibitionist as the rest of the bloggers in the world and I crave acceptance and validation like the rest of humanity. I’ve worked to accept those things about myself. It might take me a while to relocate my voice and my groove, but I imagine they’ll show back up before long. If you’re here, thanks. Pull up a chair.
A caveat, though. Every night I’m going to try to write a note for myself on how the day went from a medical standpoint. Those posts are going to be password protected so you don’t have to read about how my bipolar disorder chose to play with me on that particular day.
Feels like I’m back home.
